Tag: relationships

Love is Selfless Not Selfish-Navigating the perils of selfish relationships

Love is Selfless Not Selfish-Navigating the perils of selfish relationships

Love is Self-Less not Selfish

This Episode continues the quest of establishing what Love is vs what it is not.  In this episode we are navigating the perils of selfish relationships and teaching valuable skills in avoiding to toxic or egocentric love.

In the American Psychological Association (APA) dictionary, the definition of “selfishness” is listed as:  the tendency to act excessively or solely in a manner that benefits oneself, even if others are disadvantaged.

We are social beings at the core

  • We are social beings and are most happy when we are socially connected.
    • Humans are symbiotic in nature in that not only do we have billions of micro-organisms living in us that are critical to our survival we as well depend on each other socially.
    • “No man is an island, no man lives alone.” – John Donne
  • Social connections are a negotiation between our own needs and the needs of others.
    • Our Expectations should not be what they can do for us but what we can do for them.  Ideally they should also be thinking the same.  Tissah Kombe
  • On one end of the spectrum lies selfishness, the act of prioritizing oneself over others
    • Selfish is cognoscente of their selfishness and do it anyways
    • Self Centered are not always as cognoscente of their selfish acts but may be so pre occupied with their own thoughts that they act selfish when should they not be so pre-occupied with themselves they might be more kind.
    • From Societies stand point everything revolves around the “self”… or what we can get out of it.  Even vacations a commercial comes to mind you took a vacation to get away from your kids… why go some place where they have kids there…Everything is about your time, your joy, your experience.  We forget that love is not about us.  Love is something poured out we shouldn’t expect anything back for it.  It kind of cheapens love if Im only doing this for something else.  Brandon Phariss.
  • On the other end lies selflessness, the act of putting the needs of others before our own.


1. Too much selfishness (or self centeredness) can suffocate the relationship by fostering hard feelings, emotional distancing and neglect.

2. Too much selflessness can make you feel taken advantage of, feel under appreciated or resentful.

Find a balance using communication, understanding and compromise.  Recognize your individual needs, your partner needs and the needs of the relationship as a whole.



1. Focus on your partner’s priorities

Create a list of the top 10 items your partner cares about the most. Have your partner do the same. Share it with your partner

When your hear the list, listen without judgment and ask clarifying questions to see your partner’s perspective.

Have a collaborative discussion about the items on the list and edit accordingly.

Each week, pick one item from your partner’s list and make it your focus priority.  

2. Create shared experiences

  • Focus on bonding and creating memories together.
  • engage in activities that both of you enjoy
  • plan!  Outings, hobbies, or relaxation!



Love is This, Not That- Arrogance

Love is This, Not That- Arrogance

Isaac and Michelle discuss the differences between pride and arrogance, and explore the negative effects of arrogance in relationships. They highlight some common characteristics of arrogance, such as criticism, lack of compromise, and judgmental attitudes, and offer tips on how to avoid them. Tune in to this insightful podcast to learn more.


Arrogance can be defined as the personality trait where a person has an obnoxiously elevated sense of self-worth. It is a disrespectful trait because the arrogant person acts as though superior or more valuable than others. Arrogance listed as a trait of narcissistic behavior and is characterized by having an exaggerated sense of our importance or abilities.  Sometimes, people are arrogant because they wrongly believe that their expertise will justify their behavior.

Some characteristics of arrogance can manifest in the following examples:

  1. Criticism
  2. Lack of compromise
  3. Belittlement
  4. Judgmental attitudes
  5. Lack of Accountability

Join Isaac and Michelle as they explore the do’s and don’ts of these characteristics and learn how to avoid them in your relationship.

Love is This, Not That- Envy

Love is This, Not That- Envy

Envy is a lack of contentment that is based on comparison. When we use comparison to measure ourselves, we fall into ungratefulness which can destroy a relationship.
Envy can sneak its way into
  • life roles
  • work/life balance
  • relationships
  • etc
Research in a psychiatry investigation by Yanhui Xiang,1,2,* Xia Dong,1,2,* and Jiaxu Zhao1,2. suggests that envy directly increases the likelihood of getting depression and as well as the possibility of depression becoming long term as it erodes social support.
Dive into this episode to learn more about how to find a healthy balance with jealousy and envy in a relationship.  Isaac and Michelle will share tips and strategies as well as their own personal stories that can simplify and clarify a subject that can get kind of murky.
The Challenge 
  1. Fight envy by finding 3 things in your relationship that you are grateful for.
  2. Determine wether your jealousy/ envy in your relationship is healthy (protects the relationship) or unhealthy (fearful or controlling)
Love is This, Not That- Kindness

Love is This, Not That- Kindness

“Love is this, not that!”  is a series that breaks down healthy relationship principles with actionable implementation steps that you can implement right away.

In this episode, Isaac and Michelle will dive into another attribute of love- of Kindness.  They will share what it is and what it is not.  Join them as they share research, strategies and techniques that you can use immediately to grow your relationship and and family.


Rules of Engagement-how to handle conflict

Rules of Engagement-how to handle conflict

Sooner or later, relationships will experience conflict.  It is not the absence of conflict that makes a successful marriage.  It is the ability to resolve conflict that strengthens a relationship.  In this episode, Isaac and Michelle will explore practical ways to resolve conflict in sensitive situations as they share their own lessons and experiences.